Last month, I road tripped around Iceland for a week by myself which was a HUGE accomplishment for me, because while this wasn’t my first time traveling alone, it was certainly my first time tackling treacherous weather! So it inspired me to create a video on conquering your fears.
Confessions of a Scaredy-Cat 😸
One compliment I get quite often is, “Wow, Karen you’re so brave.” People usually tell me this when I talk about traveling alone, like this Iceland trip, moving to India for a college internship, or backpacking in Europe for 3 months. I can see how one might think I’m brave, but let me tell you. I am the biggest scaredy cat! Never in a million years would I call myself a “thrill seeker” or “fearless.” Because I am constantly crippled by fear! In fact, I would go as far as to call myself a “Worst Case Scenario-ist"
For example, Iceland has been at the top of my bucket list for a while now, but I kept stopping myself from going every time a “What if?” crossed my mind. Like… what if my car gets stuck in several feet of snow, and then I’ll have to resort to sleeping in my car, and then a serial killer finds me?
Then a couple months ago, my job sent me to London for a business trip, so I thought, “Perfect! I can stopover in Iceland on my way home!” So I booked my flight to Iceland,and then I … IMMEDIATELY REGRETTED IT! I thought trapping myself into a non-refundable flight would force me to get over my fears of traveling alone in Iceland, but within hours I was already tormenting myself with all of the “What if’s."
So you might wonder, “Well Karen, if you were so scared of traveling to Iceland, then why do you do it in the first place?"
It’s because I think of fear as this thing I have a relationship with, meaning it doesn’t define WHO I AM, but is just a part of my mind that I can choose to listen to or not listen to.
So why exactly do we even feel fear?
Fear is the result of evolution, the survival of the fittest. Our ancestors actually faced life threatening situations where fear, their killer instinct, would tell them, "OK IT’S TIME TO GET THE HECK OUT." But modern day human beings don’t face these kinds of threats. We don’t have to worry about prey eating us alive on our way to work. But since fear is still engrained in human behavior, we need to be able to recognize when fear is not helping us. Behind every single one of my fears is a deep desire to accomplish something incredible.
Then I started thinking, what if fear is just a part of my mentality, but not all of it? What if I can choose to not listen to that part of my mind, meanwhile I can choose to amplify the messages from the other parts of my mind?
So from my experience, the best trick to conquering your fears is to learn how to not listen to your fears when you’re not actually in a life-threatening situation. Instead of letting fear prevent you from pursuing your deepest desires, just DO that thing you’re scared of and don't think about how you’re scared about it. Like literally tell your fears to SHHH!
My Mental Model
FEAR is telling me, “Karen, if you go to Iceland by yourself, your car might get stuck in the snow in the middle of nowhere, and then a serial killer might find you.”
Meanwhile, SKILLS is telling me, “You just need to watch some Youtube videos about how to get your car unstuck in snow."
And RESOURCEFULNESS is telling me, “You just need to call the car rental company to see if your car comes with snow tires."
And KNOWLEDGE is telling me, “Karen, you just need to look up the crime rate in Iceland."
And what do you know! I learned a few tricks to get a car unstuck in snow. The car rental company confirmed that my car would have snow tires. I learned that Iceland is LITERALLY the safest country in the world.
Then I realized that the messages that SKILLS, RESOURCEFULNESS, and KNOWLEDGE were leading me to facts, whereas FEAR was giving me nothing but fiction.
Fear is like a pair of sunglasses. When it’s on, it colors your vision. But you take it off, you go back to seeing the world objectively. Fear is not WHAT you see. It is just your emotions manipulating what you see.
The Payoff of Disempowering FEAR
This is the most important takeaway: If I only listened to FEAR, I never would have gone to Iceland.
I never would have gotten soaked in waterfall mist in this moss-covered cave, hiked to the top of this mini mountain without any marked trails, walk along a glacier, witness icebergs drift off to the ocean, drive through 5 kinds of weather in a single day, play with Icelandic horses, watch the northern lights dance in the sky, and soak in robin egg blue water at the Blue Lagoon.
I never would have driven 817 miles, wandering from one natural wonder to another, never knowing where I was going to sleep at night, and done it all by myself.
In summary, the trick to conquering is to disempower your fears and let your skills, resourcefulness, knowledge, strength, bravery, problem solving ability, optimism, and whatever assets you bring to the table speak up instead.
In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, "Everyday, do one thing that scares you."